la femme follette

rose rosie

We considered giving Fille a rose name for a long time, even after she was born.

The thing is, roses last a super-long time if they have a fresh, underwater cut & change of water every few days.  These were delivered on Feb 16 and while they are browned at the tips plus their number greatly diminished from the 36 stems which arrived, they are hanging in there lol.  

 

I am kind of obsessed with golden lattes right now & thinking abt the explainer I could write called How to avoid yr neighbors but never miss a front garden chore.  It's Purim! Two paleo brownies & a glass of wine l'chaim! xx

march on.

At the start of the year, I decided that anything I went all 31 days of January without doing would just go on a pause for the whole first quarter.  Hobbies, hangouts, outfits, people ... imagine the possibilities.  

 

• 
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Obvsly, the Bouqs flower subscription was a shoo-in. February's "Sunset View" & "Rhapsody" 

 

Freed up in February from a lot of things which I obviously do not require, I have been able to see other things which are probably equally unnecessary.  Daily life is so different now than it was two years ago, for everybody, but I do not hear a lot of people talking much about how the times have been a dream come true though I do have friends for whom it has not been much of a big deal at all bc we are all freed-up from mostly-terrible things (handshakes! hugs! conferences! dilly-dallying!).

 

 

Now Lent is here, there is more war, (one everyone wants to chat about), so maybe it is time to get serious? Who knows?  I used to be super-anxious and I have worked for a long time to move forward so the idea (for the past 6 years, honestly) that I should immerse myself in upsetting things to feel like a basket case as a virtue is very No, cross it out, especially not this quarter.

 

For sure not with the gym still closed due to the relocation/renovation effort.  Until then, I am just using Fille's bike, still on the trainer, with the Peloton app. I kind of use the led-rides but I am also usually watching teevee at the same time with one earbud trailing bc I'm not that excited to hear all the talking so as long as I can hear the beat in the music.  I tried to do the Pilates work but there is so much talking + with the music, I can not concentrate, so I just run the "workout" on mute while I do the Pilates matwork I already know how to do.  I was cleaning a closet and found a Magic Circle (more belongings not going on early retirement) which is kind of fun to use but lol all the internet regimens treating it like a Thighmaster (it's not).

 

If I do any kind of exercise (stretching, kettlebells, rebounding), I just make sure I pick an appropriate-length/focus endeavor (stretch! weights! dance cardio!) from their array & let it mark my achievements.  Basically,  the most expensive workout log, which is fine bc our health insurance pays it as a perk (the absolute least they could do) so I do not have to worry about not getting my money's worth & I do not have to listen to all that talking omg.

 

I remember a long time ago when the Peloton was the new kid on the fitness block & I said, Sure but I would never want spin to be my daily workout.  Omg so true!  Even before I knew anything about the Capt Kurtz nonstop prattling. Get a blog! That's the place to talk about trips & your favorite snacks! God Almighty!

 

My eating has reverted to the same usual birdseed tea & toast.  Sally was saying on family Zoom call a couple of weeks ago that he is so demoralized by the endless eating required by living & I feel exactly the same.  I was facing another late-day failure to eat much since breakfast & while it is true that it was too close to bedtime to eat, I also knew that if I went to bed without eating, I would not sleep well & come on, why can't they just make a calorie patch?  Willy Wonka was on to a lot of important things.  Forget about Harry Potter! More about Willy Wonka!  lolol xx

 

elemental. completely mental.

This made me remember one of the times we went to NYC when she was v little. The view ("view") LOL, sweet.

 

 

Things are good!  I mean, yk, all I have ever wanted is to be locked up forever with Mari, alone.  A dream.  Still kind of annoying that he dismantles things to wash them but doesn't reassemble them. Who puts away a clean thing in pieces?!?    

The diorama drama of Wordle is funny to me.  We don't fight bc it isn't worth it.  You say a thing & then the other person responds & next thing, you are swept away by a pre-recorded cultural script that isn't even any fun!  So the thing with the finding pieces of everything, dismantled, all over, if I say anything, goes like:  Oh, sorry, I called the office & am waiting for a call back but ... am I supposed to reassemble all these bleeding parts everywhere bc I didn't see it in my onboarding seminar but there were bandwidth issues."

Some people might call that passive-aggressive but in fact it is just gaming the system.  That's why you marry a gamer.

 

But omg the Wordle one-act play!  When I start crying on the fourth row with no relief in sight & he is saying things, just blurting out things like, "Oh, this word would never contain [some other letter]" which ok but never? & normally, in my marriage, I just let those things take their course bc when he is wrong I don't have to say I'm right but this game does not have a lot of room for error so I can not just let that kind of thing go so I wind up saying things like "Omigod, recite the dictionary then!" & then we  make it to the solution, poof! It's over! But here is the thing: I never remember what the word was or what happened so it didn't matter, did it?  Except that I would remember if we marred our 100% winning record.  Ours! What's mine is his!

 

Speaking of ours: on his birthday, last year, Mari said it was "our birthday" bc what's his is mine, lol, so ok plus we've had enough birthdays to ourselves by now so ok, mine, too, is ours.  Then I decided (bc I'm so extra) that as our birthdays are six months apart, everyone's birthday is another's half-birthday and we need to dial it up to 11 and have a half-birthday between our birthdays so that now there is a quarterly celebration.  Today is the day!  I even don't know what's for dinner but something festive ahahaha xx

 

four of a kind

Mercury exits retrograde today, if you cotton to that sort of thing.

 

 

These legwarmers will be many years old this month or next & they are still getting good use, lol.  It has been colder than ever before -- more days of cold temperatures, consecutively, and also just plain lower temps -- so I was grateful to find them in the wardrobe "common area" I share with Fifille.

 

Speaking of exercise accouterments: I have been using the Peloton app with the vintage Japanese omafiets on the fluid trainer.  It's fine for logging my time spent fake cycling.  I also use it to track my time doing Pilates mat but I set it up to play/log while I am doing something else.  The thing is, with the music + all the goddamned talking I can't focus on the exercises.  I haven't tried any of their weight lifting yet bc I'm afraid of all the chattering.  I mean, honestly.

 

Things are good, I guess.  Fille has covid, which, I mean, don't we all?  Everyone going around feeling ill but pronouncing themselves covid-clear on the say-so of a test that only has 86% accuracy for a negative result? Ok! LOLOL 

 

I switched to an iPhone which omg is a yPhone don't let me get started! xoxox

timing is everything

Baby ginger is in season, I guess.

 

Was telling Fifille (always funny) abt the time I was buying a whole pile of ginger root & when the cashier commented, I told him that when it looks good -- plump, thin-skinned, not too knobby -- I buy a bunch to slice up for the freezer.

 

His mind was blown, whooooosh. I said, to her, "It was like a meet-cute but I'm too old for his rom-com"

"It was a mom-com." LOLOL  I asked her if she is so funny in Spanish, like, do her remote classmates know how her heart beats? She told me she isn't, a little wistfully. I told her that there are parts of you which don't translate, usually bc culture, in my experience.

 

A different flavor of com (maybe a buddy picture?) has me out today ferrying my septuagenarian neighbor around for routine-yet-elaborate medical procedures. She had a joint replaced in May & since returning home from rehab has required differing levels of attending + plain old visitation of the sick.  As I am not beset by these requirements for blood relations, as are many of my girlfriends, and since my dance-mom days are over, why not? But omigosh is it an education lol 

 

I was bored & thinking of amusing myself with Queen Elizabeth's dietary regimen again. Honestly it's dark 13 hours every day so whatever bottoms-up but I have to keep my wits abt me bc I still am planning/planting 200 or 300 spring-flowering bulbs. When Oakley mentioned Intermittent Fasting to me last week I thought Omg I've never done that why not? Omg I love it. I have a terrible nibbling/tasting habit which honestly is demoralizing + also a direct result of me phoning in my caloric intake at mealtimes ("times").  Honestly, a couple of weeks ago I was wishing someone made a calorie patch I could just stick on. Willy Wonka was on the right track.

 

We'll see. At the moment my rehabilitation is consisting so far of my normal post-workout smoothie at 10 & then a bunch of completely disorganized & disgraceful shoveling of food groupings until 6 lolol xx

soapy sales

Saturday or Sunday, maybe ... Friday ... ? Whichever.   I was folding a whole load of bath towels at once. We don't have a linen closet bc I guess those had not been invented in 1895 (tbh we have almost no closets here) so we don't have a whole lot of bath towel inventory in circulation, Anyhow, folding, I noticed these towels were threadbare & I would be loath to give them to a guest. Obviously, we needed new towels. I was finding my shoes to run this errand & had the clearest thought ... I want those towels like sculptured carpet.

It was like I dreamed them so they came true. Right there at TJ Maxx.  Hashtag: luckiest girl.

 

Maybe I really want sculptured carpet.  It was interesting to me, this fault, bc I guess in the past, as a pet-owner, I was always scanning the supply to see what could be pulled for pet duty. Also, just kid-stuff cleanup but for the last four years, whatever, I'm way more interested in kitchen/hand towel upkeep/replacement.

 

2021 is rolling along. A couple of days after my last post I fell down the stairs but was caught, suspended by my right ankle lodged in the banister so that put the kibosh on the Chloe Ting project, at the time.  I'm still hanging on without the gym, doing ok without the yoga studio ... I went to a party on Saturday and the guest of honor was having his 80th birthday, fine & well, robust, even. My most visited acquaintance in 2021 is not quite 10 years younger & can barely move around.  I'm thinking a lot about how they say health is wealth, man it seems like it is everything.  I feel like I knew already, like I left a message for myself in the past, like 12 Monkeys, "Get down on the floor, girl!" Probably I slipped in some sculptured towel promotion, too, lolol xx

 

 

2021

Idk, I am so glad the holidays are over.

 

I made this tonight bc the idea makes me laugh.

 

What a time to be alive!

 

Fifille & I are doing Chloe Ting's 2 week shred. It's killing her but not me & that is the power of habits, honestly.  I mean, I was surprised by how happy I was midway to realize I only had less than ten minutes left but Fille had to take breaks!  On the other hand, her progress will be more dramatic.

 

My greatest concern this year is how the gym is not coming to save me.  It's ok, I wasn't sure I wanted to return (but I would have, bc I love it there).  Lots to talk abt but just wanted to get my sidebar guy on the right year. LOL xoxo

page-turner

Omg, finally. Falalalala!

 

I have been making centerpieces.  

 

It started bc I wanted to bring in all the greenery (many wreaths; no trees) & one of the things I wanted was a centerpiece, until I saw the prices.  Wow.

 

I was shopping for greens at the gas station's pop-up & bought a wreath for two of my old-lady neighbors but the third ... she & her husband don't hang anything exterior ever. I puzzled for a minute & then committed to a centerpiece.

 

 

It should be said that this DIY was mentally supported by the acquisition of three large bricks of floral foam, used as packing material for the recently-unwrapped bicycle trainer. I said, "Oh, I know what these are!" & set them aside for some future date & then whooosh, it arrived!

 

The greens are abt two-thirds boughten, the rest from Nature Walking.

 

This is the one I put together for Fox bc he also makes things + eight years ago he saved me from a trip to the ER prob also from losing a hand.

 

Procrastinating .our own, I made a tiny one for a different neighbor. 

 

 

It is just every day the same, then dinner, then a glass of wine + making centerpieces.  It feels so dark all the time now.  Brb.

 

 

bender November.

I mean, after Sober October, right? LOLOL but not me. I had Dry Septemberary & October has been chill, no October surprises, except that the Twilight movies are on television almost every single night of the week. 

 

I do really like the kombucha paloma but as I always say, everything for deprivation. 

 

We were in D.C., for Washingtonian verisimilitude. Also, National Gallery is open again.  

 

This is the pretty Andrew Mellon fountain across the street. 

 

Here is my October surprise, truly, a landmark moment in my life: I am Completely Over my eldest child & I'm so over it I don't even want to celebrate it but I do want to mark it, I have spent a lot of time metaphorically lying around with the people who love me whispering in their ears maybe a Zoom call, but not everybody wants to be bored to death in real time with the ins and outs. I plan on the breakdown, semper blog-style, but the other thing I have been freed to figure out this fall is that I need 12 hours of rest every night & why wouldn't I take it?

 

I don't need to be asleep for 12 hours, I'm not ill. But I need a half-day of contacts-out, shoes-off, retinol-on, nighttime doses of supplements in. I use the time before I turn in on foam-rolling, stretching, light reading, Thera-gunning, knitting, just flipping relaxing doing whatever for a few hours. Then on the flip side I wake up & take my time about it. It is amazing. So for tonight that time on the clock is right now see you x

 

 

endless honeymoon.

Curtido is quarantine's staple.

It started bc we were eating tacos every night early on.  Tacos are easy -- pile of meat, pile of tortillas, onions, salsa, whatever, but curtido got married into our taco nights last year bc a. I love it and b. so does Sal.

 

 In 2019 when we were either out of the country or in our Capitol Hill bunker, I made tacos, every night. Lamb tacos, chicken tacos, shortrib tacos, whatever kind of tacos. Sal will eat tacos every night of the week so it made menu planning for all of us xx-easy  & every day, before he left for work, I would say, "I think [x kind of] tacos?" & he would say, Yah, and the salad. 

 

Here is a pretty good recipe which explains the fermentation timing of it without being too ... weird.  The pickling people are frequently so weird.

 

I was making it as the opening to our 2020 Every Night is Taco Night quarantine arrangement but then by the summer, Mari & I started eating it with everything. As a side, a garnish, a topping, a relish, a dressing, I love it, so it is always, always in the fridge.

I have a new water boiler after 12 or 15 years.  The previous one got a scale fleck in the pump & according to YouTube, I could have fixed it in a snap (yah honestly, if I were a plumber, tbh) but whatever goodbye.  The new one is white, not the ivory or cream or whatever so that is exciting + it plays little melodies to apprise us of its work product, like our washing machine & also our DC oven. Gtg ly bye

autumnal concerns.

My orchid has a second new leaf and three new roots so I have done it no harm by mounting it to this piece of firewood. 

The roots are supposed to be inside the moss, looking for an attachment, so I guess I will take care of it.

 

My tinkering with the "watering strand" needs to continue ... this is embroidery floss & it does not work. I still don't know if I am supposed to cut off this stem & as the plant is doing so well, I am inclined to leave it be.

 

It is a tad humid but I am having the greatest time.  Stop chewing yr teeth out of yr face, loves! xxx

nine for a lost god.

I am back together with Dr Clean and his strictest 21 days of Clean Cleansing bc the queen and all her drinking + any of the drinking before. 

 

 

That makes this Dry Septemberary. A bientôt x

 

 

fresh air.

The houseplants I do not kill tend to be the ones I keep alive until I can put them outdoors again to live their best life.  

 

 

The twist is that they tend to do so well in the outdoors that they outgrow the space we have for them indoors, so annoying, when you tend things so well & then they want to rule you, ugh. That ZZ plant will never fit back in the office window.  I don't think Mari has noticed it's gone, tbh.

 

I also hang around outside, if it isn't too-too warm, watering all the plants, doing crossword puzzles in Italian from a book Fox dropped off at his mother's behest after she found it at her house. She wants me to keep practicing.  (Hashtag: Neighbors)

 

When we were in Milan last year, leaving the police station (filing the report for my stolen purse), Fifille and I were talking to an officer outside, who had broken away from the group while we were saying goodbye, basically because he saw a chance to practice his English.  That was cool.  

 

I was telling him [blahblahlalala] and he said, "Oh, that is nice of you. You are very [5-second pause] gentle."

 

Ok "gentle" and "gentile" are not the same, but I knew exactly what he meant so thanked him & we waved goodbye to shove off.  At the corner, Fille said, "Gentle?!" so I told her "gentile" is the Italian word you can use around courteousness.  

 

She said, "Ok but he knew it wasn't the right word. He looked for the right one before he said a false cognate."

"I saw."

"In five minutes, he is going to [facepalm] 'Ugh, gentle!'"

"I know, right? Us, too!"

"Totally!"

And then we laughed & laughed almost all the way back to the hotel.  We still laugh about it, not at him but 110% brother, we are with you.

 

She is learning French now, for real.  I know, like finally, right? Her hostess is a French teacher and her host is a French expat & In These Times anything is possible so she is doing that.  School starts again in a few weeks & fingers crossed. See you xx

 

nothing but flowers.

I was telling the Israeli a story of early-quarantine, the before-the-trainer times. I said, "It was the day I was licking something off of a spoon, I dunno."

 

 

"Did you just say you were eating something from a spoon? Just a spoonful of 'something'?"

"Yes."

"But 'something,' what was it?"

"I don't know. I already said. It could have been been nut butter or a chocolate spread ... halvah or ... regular butter, I don't know.

"No. That's not. Licking things from a spoon isn't what you do."

"That is the point of the story! Are you listening?!"

 

God Almighty.

 

People I know want to know, generally lately, also more recently, for sure in the U.S. for the last four years, how do I stay so calm? Sometimes they are curious, other people are dark & accusing, super-intense. What? I am a basket case.

 

But ok, when they are talking about how they have not had a good night's sleep since the election in 2016, etc, I can see how I appear serene by comparison.  The truth is what I always say, sometimes flip but always heartfelt, I don't let the devil control my life.  Also, I am cantankerous by nature & for sure oppositional in the face of Be this way now! Perform worry! kinds of peer pressure.  Plus, let's look back to 2015's bullshittery & its distraction of two teens: one delinquent, one high-achieving, I did not really have any time to let current events rule my mood but also, neither the devil, who seemed to be making good use of one of my kids. 

 

2015 was stressful, for sure, but it was when the calendar page turned to 2016 with delinquency still at a high level, etc, who has time, and the visiting of the sick that I really, really, omg bound myself to tonglen meditation. 

 

On this morning, today, the 99th Monday of quarantine, finally my neighbor really pressed hard on how how how I stay so calm (she is having school problems like everyone with kids; I was watering my zinnias). I told her that mostly, yk, I'm an empty nester! But she deflected that bc in her observation, this all precedes the kids' departure. (Lalalalala, I don't hear you.) I didn't relent until she wanted to know if pharmaceuticals were involved.  Not bc I care too much if ppl think I am Betty Ford (tbh it would prob improve my lustre) but bc I didn't want her to think I was hiding a Xanax habit that she should obviously begin herself, given these unprecedented times. Also, it became kind of obvious that she really wasn't just being observational conversational.

 

God, so I told her I would send her a link and I did so now she will know I am actually crazy & I don't care what she thinks but I do think that I could be helpful to one person so here goes.  Obviously, Pema Chodron can explain the method, and she does, at its most direct, right here.

 

 

The instructions are: On the in-breath, breathe in, with a wish to take away the suffering and breathe out with the wish to send comfort & happiness.

 

Does that sound bonkers? Great! Let's get into it!

 

Chodron explains it at a great length in one of her talks which I was listening to like candy during all of 2015. I don't remember what her v detailed instructions were then, or which book it is in, but this is how I make it work. 

 

• I feel terrible and I am being burned alive by all of these bad feelings.
  • Stop & focus on a compassion for all sentient beings.  I am not the first person to be rattled by [e.g. all the moving parts in the cast of Visiting The Sick], looking across the planet, I am not even the only person to be feeling exactly this way right now.
  • This shift takes the sting out, this is just is the human condition so already I  feel less alone, less tormented and it is humbling -- it is not possible that I invented this feeling, so given the history of humankind, there is a way through this somewhere.
•  I am already suffering. Would I like to breathe in to take in everyone's suffering? To take it away from everyone else who is suffering the same as me, right now? Omigosh! Yes! Suffering is holy, they told me when I was a little girl! I can hold it all on this breath! I've been wearing God's armor this whole time for this!             

The in-breath is to take it in, to open yr heart to what you want to push away.  She describes it as taking in all the hot, heavy, sticky, pissed-off, rageful [whatever], breathing it in completely for you, for everyone & visualize yr attention to it as aerating it, like you open yrself to it, yr whole heart, and it is transformed (Mt 19:26).

 

Breathing out, you send out this idea of relief, in whatever form you wish -- a sunny day, a night of good sleep, feeling calm, or it can just be more abstract, to breathe out light or freshness, a feeling of ease, whatever you can visualize. 

 

So a v personal experience becomes the basis of compassion for others who, you have recently found, are like you or maybe not like you but it doesn't matter bc Buddhism is v stuck on all sentient beings. 

 

You can do it as a formal practice, like with a cushion or a gong, Monday, 9-10, Tonglen.  Or it can be done where you are, as it comes ("on-the-spot") & that is where I got myself attached to it as a practice.  Maybe it came on so easy for me back then bc 15 years of yoga & it's attendant short-inserts, breathe in, be here now, it's just a sensation, but I don't know. 

 

So let's say I am decluttering our empty-nest house for retirement. I make a lot of free time to do things at my own speed + have a rich interior life so I free-floatingly get upset anew abt our delinquent teen. I already know I am not the only one with parenting regret & also a delinquent-teen-turned-grifter-adult. So I breathe it all in, and the fact is, unlike a lot of ppl, that kid isn't living like a pharaoh on our credit rating, and then I breathe out what is real, the real peace (be here now) we've made for ourselves, and hope that it relieves someone else.

 

Tonglen meditation helps me to resolve strong feelings for things that feel terrible, have happened, are happening, are not happening to me right now (be here now right now).

 

If I get upset abt ... the pain of the injustice of border detentions, and I start breathing it in for myself and for everyone else upset abt border detention ... well, the fact is we are not actually detained at the border and who really needs relief right now?  Buddhism doesn't get all mean like that, lol, and that is super-tops a Catholic thing, like, Who is suffering?  Look at our Lord Jesus there on the Cross, suffering, nails in his hands and feet, you are sitting on yr sofa using a strong Wi-Fi signal, shame on you.  

 

Lol but srsly.  So that kind of pulling on the reins is for sure a part of how I stay so calm.  So I try to breathe in whatever grief/fear/whatever kind of from the situation -- take it all in, take everything & offer it up to put my heart at His feet -- and then breathe out what I hope is some kind of relief.

 

There is also, um, she describes it (in a book, idk which one, like I said), kind of a co-related practice, like a subtopic:  If you are sitting in the shade of a linden tree or if you just finished the dishes and you feel really happy because of the pretty way the water looks swirling in the basin while you use the hose sprayer, you can breathe out that happy, carbonated feeling, into the world, send it out to anyone who needs it. I have a nice life, and I try to stay grateful, so when I have those moments I try to breathe out the lightness to the world. Every day has its own trouble & worrying does not add even one hour to our lives.

 

I do think there is a lot here at the intersection of Chicago Catholic+Tibetan Buddhist that just means that I am the luckiest girl.  I know that. I never want anyone to say I had no idea. Ly x              

 

blog thought.

All the time, every day. Snip, snip, snip-snip.  

Recipe update: I made the aforementioned pork belly tacos same as before but with duck breasts, not pork belly.  Thing is, they were v good, however, the pork belly tacos are perfect (but not kosher).  If I were to do this again with duck breasts, I would actually mix the two braises by adding Olvera's 99 cups of fat to Choi's chipotle in adobo (the whole can, ffs), tomato paste, and the sugar (with no water).

 

I am trying to get some housekeeping habits around this pandemic. I do not have a rule of wiping off my groceries. Tbh, I don't order much that comes in a package and then of course I wash produce, always.  We don't go anywhere anymore but we use masks when we do.  I keep my reusable masks in our entry with our keys and everything. I have a mesh "delicates" bag hanging in the vestibule and when I come home I spray the worn mask with hydrogen peroxide & put it in there. Then when I am wandering around any day, I pop them in the wash. They are made of linen & I got them from Etsy. Idk what Mari's process is, tbh. He is an adult. When Fille was here, her innate system was much like mine, lol, but she would skip washing & rush it out to the line to burn up/dry off in the sunshine.

 

I have also read abt ironing.  Since I bought masks that are kind of "nicer," fabric-wise & they can't really be washed on "nuclear" but I can iron the germs off.  (But the sun seems hot enough for now.)

 

We also have disposable medical masks in each glove box for when we forget to grab one before we live.

 

For workout from home, I am all set.  One thing I did was order 8 hand towels for my home gym. It's just like the gym now! I get down from the bike & wash my sweaty face in the half-bath's sink & then wander around, drinking water & patting myself off.  Just like the gym!

 

The pandemic is mostly laundry, I guess.  See you x

Hey, 19.

Whooooosh.

 

It's like living in a flower factory, lol. I planted 48 zinnia seedlings, ahahahaha.

 

The last time I wrote here, Fille was away & overstaying her tourist visa, trying to get the right documentation from the university to come back to the US & get her student visa paperwork filed.

The embassy office here kept telling her adorable & confusing (infuriating, really) things impossible for her like "Your continuing study document is inadmissible because you can't be a continuing student because you don't have a student visa." It went around like this for a couple of weeks. The process was supposed to have gone thusly: after arriving at uni in Jan, she was supposed to receive a document confirming her acceptance. Within 90 days of that letter's date, she was supposed to show up at a consulate office anywhere in the U.S. to file it along with an array of documentations attesting to her (our) solvency & identity, etc, & Roberto is her uncle.

What happened in 2020 was the stateside embassies and consulates closed up tight on March 8 or 16 or somesuch.  She had schoolwork, so when the embassies all opened on June 8, she was just trying to get new documents with the consular administrators in the United States saying basically: Please go back in time and do things the regular way.

 

Major eyeroll.

 

Also, a little confusion bc she is a degree-enrolled foreign undergraduate from North America.  It seems that technically,  one isn't supposed to be enrolled in a degree program without the visa & if she were a graduate student or maybe from farther away, there would have maybe been more pomp involved before class started. Or maybe just in a world without the novel coronavirus.

 

Finally, she got someone to work with her & the documents the university was willing to furnish, so she got an appointment and jumped on a plane.  It was v sudden.  It meant that I had to figure out how route her to the NE Corridor. The only nonstop flight is on a Mexican airline to JFK but ugh, major hassle. So stressful bc minimum two airplanes, three airports, where, ugh. Cancún is pretty quiet, virus-wise, so I just connected her through there on two different roundtrip itineraries and she made it both ways so hashtag: blessed + fingers crossed.

 

She sent us this photo boarding in Cancún & I thought "Omg, no gloves?" #mental

I mean of course there was a half-day of shopping for airfare and I had to use my desktop & a full-size Rhodia pad + omg who can hear herself think in the home office?!  Also, what a nail-biter bc I think any one NE Corridor state has three times the cases as all of Mexico's United States, so ew, why did she even have to come here. To say nothing of her, traveling two days for 12 hours including the ground transit & all.  But she is back there now again, quarantining herself. Isolating? Whichever.

 

 

It was a nice visit we had.  Even the frustrating last-minute event of standing around on the hottest day of the year so far, waiting for the sun to go behind a cloud (again) to try & get a few more visa snaps in, sweating through to the ends of our ringlets omg was hilarious even while it was happening -- Ok, but you're frowning, omg stop laughing ok sun's out again. (x 450)

(Eyeroll but lolol. That's why her hair will be stuck to her neck in the photo on her temporary resident card. She will never forget lol) 

Also: the 12 hours Mari let her twist in the wind with his last words, a response to more of her frankly by-that-time-naughty last-minuting, "I'm not going back to Staples." He sounded serious when he said it & even I was amazed when he did early morning the next day. Our family has a hard time with a. out & about b. paperwork, so together omg but we prevailed bc as one of our oldest friends once said of us: Teamwork is a family value.

She remains charming & delightful.  The neighbors kept her socially distantly holding court on our porch for days.  She was happy to be home & we were happy to have her.  Also, I had a reason to try cooking hashbrowns on the waffle iron (I'll tell you what I read nowhere: don't waste yr time).

 

This mounted orchid is growing a new leaf fingers crossed!

 

 

The gym re-opened yesterday; we froze it for 6m bc omg whatever, everyone else go first, let us know what happens. I still have Fille's bike on the fluid trainer and dryland swim training cords.  Every time I go outside the experience is worse than the last time, tbh. (excludes all Target curbside pickup; why did I ever go inside a Target in my life?)

 

We're doing great zoom-calling ly ❤️ xx

 

lean in. dream on.

In the beginning quarantine felt like a project -- provisioning, lists, arrangements, replacements -- but now it feels like a dream.  Every day the same, things happening the way we set them up to go and please don't ask me if anything in the past was last week or last month because I can't tell the difference.

 

It makes it a little more difficult to work out things that have to happen at an interval of More Days Than Daily but I manage.

 

I did finally get to this mounting of the orchid.  

 

 

We'll see.  It is outside and even houseplants have a better chance outdoors with me.  Related: we watched Call of the Wild to celebrate Harrison Ford's birthday.  I had not ever read the book so I wasn't expecting the POV to be so canine, for example, I thought the ending would be more inspirational and it is, if you are a dog xoxx

steamy.

Literally killing every houseplant in the joint, except the peace lily in my temporary custody.  

 

It's so warm day & night that we turned on the AC.  It is actually cooler outside during part of the night/early morning than the thermostat is set (76), but the temperature is high until close to midnight and then the robins start singing at 4, so we turned off all of that, goodbye ::slam-slam::

 

Honestly.  

 

Friday afternoon we celebrated our empty-nesters' independence by cleaning the oven.

 

I hadn't intended to blog abt something so boring but it was amazing & my oven was never v dirty bc it is only a few years old & mostly I braise in a Staub cocotte + I am mental and/or vegetarian kids, but anyway after three (3) roast chickens at 475F, the oven was a horror show, in my opinion.

 

here is the inside of the door half-before (petit-avant lol). You can see the perimeter of it is covered in grease.

 

and after. But still the metal part of the door 😱

 

I bought a steam pressure washer a month or so ago as part of Weed Control Wednesdays, but I had also read abt how I could use it around the house.  Meh, our house doesn't have a lot of built-up grime bc a lick & a promise every day is what's up (canister vac powers!) but the stove ... 

 

 

like new like revirginized lolol

 

It was easy & pretty fun.  After, I looked all over for things to de-grime but nothing. (Maybe in Fille's room, lol)

 

I have a ton of red tape to get through today.  #goals  I would go out to have a pedicure, amr? Long distance between my feet & my face. I haven't been anywhere

 

Since 14 March, I have only left our property for:

• • • five doctors' appts
    • a handful of dawn marsh walks
    • fewer than 15 curbside pickups w different store/fronts (mostly garden-related)
    • & one live, full-on trip each to IKEA & Target, lvg both empty-handed

 

but based on my emails, the nail salons got their shit together quickly (masks! plexiglass! more space!) and could not wait to brag abt it. We'll see.  I wanted to get my eyebrows done so much, still do, but they opened yesterday (??!?) so I think I will wait to see how that goes. Love you x

seeds and seeds and seeds.

I have a lot of cilantro volunteer plants this year & I wasn't thinking abt it too much when I let most of them bolt but I was watering today & realized now I have coriander. 

 

I've finally got WFH workout from home all worked out. Being at home, I had a strong but confusing feeling abt Get 'er done & first thing in the morning because ... no reason. Normally, going to the gym in the morning interrupts my morning. Unless my sleep was interrupted & then I just get it over with and/or spin class, but here I am already here.  Anyhow by now I just wake up to garden chores and then I'm hungry, etc, so I do what I do & make sure to log the time later. It works out bc I love to do it and/or it's how I soothe myself, at least. 

 

So I've gone from When do I do this? to Omigod, I can do this any time or all the time. So that feels pretty good.  Not to mention that after teaching myself a quarantine habit of a pretty-frequent after-dinner treat of a buckwheat cracker slathered with a chocolate ghee sweetened with dates (it's a delish thing), it was two nights ago I looked down at one I'd absent-mindedly prepared & asked myself Why?! before I put it in the fridge. So that felt more normal, for me -- because I got back to v silver-bullet self-soothing and also I was able to stop with all that red meat omg the sugar cravings!

 

 

Bob's Red Mill stopped packaging the French green lentil,  so my grocery delivery stopped selling them. Omg staples, whither. This is not a vacation! Finally I found some for delivery at an acceptable price.  

 

I'm pleased the caretaker of seedlings phase of this garden has passed. I have planted everything -- ~45 zinnias and 15 marigolds, many, many calendula plants, idk how many nasturtiums -- in the ground or a giant container for good & they will just have to make the best of it. 

 

Oh, look at calendula's freaky marine-fossil seeds.

 

 

I was deadheading (already!) this morning and those spilled out, lol.

 

I'm still killing houseplants. Always, I remain myself, xox

 

 

wow

Hallo, blog.

My Polish Spirit has re-opened. A contractor tore it out 5 or 6 years ago and this is the first year it has sprouted from the earth & flower-ready. Ok, I'll take it, let's go!

 

 

I have no idea what is going on, honestly. Are we open, or are we closed? Does it matter to me? Why would it? Things are v existential here or I might be going crazy, who knows? 

 

I used to kind of rely on a carefully-organized list at Twitter to clue me in to reliable headlines, warm takes, worldviews, and a few things I would never care abt but sometimes other ppl do & it's better if I have heard of things.  That's all kind of fallen apart bc of an echo chamber effect of tattling, nosy reporting on others, hive-mind tone policing, etc saturating everything. It's worse than Catholic girls' high school, trust me.

 

My neighbors are no help -- all they want is to pick fights with strangers walking their dogs down our lane and ask nosy questions abt my garden. Sometimes, talk endlessly abt their post-supermarket package-cleaning routineszzzZzZzzzz

 

They are still the same sweet people they were three months ago, it's just that it's enough & there is a reason I am out there with the sun, watering & weeding  (ok + 4:30 robins' revielle). Also, if I may, many of their children have been marinated in brat juice.

 

I am never going back to the gym and who knows if Mari will ever go back to the office? Assessing my own risk, I am v all-in: Assume this exposure to the world means I will fall ill, remain ill, need hospitalization and intubation, from which I will recover but never mentally from the horror of machine-assisted breathing, so once home I will slowly go crazy & eventually die by my own hand, like the woman in The Yellow Wallpaper.  Is this worth that risk? So far the list is short.

1. Eyebrow threading
2.  Regional traveling to visit Sal, Fish, Oakley, and the Israeli but we'll see what we all come up with bc the lot of us are pretty contented every day & maybe not rock the boat/start with videoconferences. 
3.  Visiting Fifille bc if Yellow Wallpaper scenario happened, she would probably take it in stride, "My mother, so extra" but she has already been a month or two of random videoconferencing bc the phone is not enough.

 

I have a survey from every yoga studio asking me what I think about returning (next spring, tbh, we'll have to wait & see). I was waiting on a survey from my favorite studio, wondering where it was, and instead I received an email saying they are closing, permanently.  Oof, sad.  I mean, there is so much to be sad about, is one thing.

 

So! Whenever it was, a couple of weeks ago, Ms Minty linked to a recipe from hipster-legend Roy Choi.  It was appealing, I don't usually even eat pork, but I do eat bacon sometimes so what's the diff.

This is a recipe with a strong When you want to eat this, you should have started yesterday hoodoo. Not my favorite bc it's demoralizing.  Also, I don't like to put unwrapped food in the refrigerator. While I was still mulling that over, trying to loosen up, I had an opening Saturday where Mari had things to do, honey-do stuff, and I wanted to use my time on a farm-wife supper, so I had time to make the slaw and fuss & arrange + all that (pickled onions). So I looked for a recipe that was more Go now! Cook with heat! & came up with an Enrique Olvera recipe in Food & Wine. We ate at Pujol! And his tortilleria! Ok sure!

His recipe was neither ideal … why would I braise pork belly in 2 cups of oil? I have a Staub cocette!  So I used Choi's braising sauce with Olvera's stovetop/stove times/temps, and then also Olvera's finishing for the crisping, which was by then (finally) ideal bc then I could refresh/crisp by the day (bc it took us three days to eat through a kilo of pork). Choi's onions, slaw, the fusion mayo, I all left the same but I put it with corn tortillas.  

 

It was amazing. I was nervous about how unctuous pork belly is but with everything the tacos were fantastic. Really super-delicious. & it wasn't too much work, once I cut the corners on the meat.

We have been eating so much meat in quarantine & it makes me crave sugar like crazy (yin/yang) which wasn't too much at first bc cocktailing but now in Dry Juneuary is like Omg send help + I can't keep eating like this + Send dePuy lentils. 

Ok, that's about the size of it!  Oh, I found tons of moss in the neglected containers under the porch, so I rescued all of it.

 

Some of it is in flower!

It isn't meant to stay here indoors; I'm not a fairy, I'm a ghoul, lol. Dream Job's Dream House has a section v near the house in the shade of a hemlock tree which was v woodland shade garden & then it had to be dug up bc major repair so now it's just ugly, but some day I can return this to real earth & things will be pretty + happy again.  Love the one you're with, I'm getting the hang of workout at home, thanks to Lillo, see you x  

 

 

quarantimes

 

Count those tiny stems and then divide by 2.6 and that is how many squats I did today, weeding those fine-thread stems by hand.  They are mixed up in the bleeding hearts so I can only pull a couple of them at one time x ow.

 

Workout from home is a little bewildering, and it occurred to me today during the first course (20 mins on the Bellicon) that my "issues" (bc srsly, nbd) are v similar to people's concerns about working from the home office -- matters of not having a dedicated space already.  

 

The most boring aspect of this confusion is how I have to do my own workout laundry.  At the gym I have laundry service, so I literally throw my sweaty (!) clothes in a bag and go home.  Not that I can not do laundry at home but two of my working-out outfits are at the gym right now and also there is a rhythm to it I haven't mastered (also, not enough outfits compounds the problem).  I think I've got it now, though.

 

But there is a lull in the gymgoing day, plus arriving back home, clean-already, ready to go.  On the other hand, no commute.  So, it isn't a big deal and anyhow I'm finally figuring it out.  Now that everything is reopening.  But honestly, the gym is over.  Not bc of contagion per se, but bc of a million new rules for living and everyone at my gym is a VIP and OMG there is so much potential for disaster.  Also, bc of contagion I am not feeling the pool no way & what's the point if I can't take a swim a few days a month?  Stay home forever!  See you x 

have I asked time for too much?

There is nothing happening but "cheesecake holiday" which -- depending on which day of the week it falls and/or whether or not there is rhubarb compote -- has often been downgraded to "yogurt holiday." This year it is on a weekend plus quarantine but Fille is gone & Mari doesn't actually give a flip abt any holiday on any calendar. I had dates & date syrup together in a sugary jar + a quart of whole-milk yogurt.

 

I was thinking the other day abt how I started blogging bc we never had time to dish real-time abt all that baloney and then, later, yes, keeping up with the Pink Lady gang of blogrollers, but also one thing that kept me on a blog-abt-it loop is to have the proof of how I used my time. Marking time! My time!

 

(The time is for retiring the woodstove for the season. The time is not for cleaning all the ash.)

 

But now pretty much all of the time is mine, so I feel a little differently about it.  Mostly, I do whatever I want these last three years. Now it feels especially good, the kids are launched into the lives they want to live, the house is for Mari & me. I vowed to stay with him until one of us is deceased, so here we are, who will survive? Ahahahaha xx see you.

page-turner

Well, right now, I am as old as Whitney Houston when she predeceased us.  Happy birthday to me. Forward.

 

I want to write about blogging for a sec.  Last month, I came on making excuses, emphasizing how I had been so distracted by a. travel and b. (known blogicidal agent) I will see you.  While that is true, reflecting later I felt a bit churlish because also, this is true, as I wrote it eight (?) years ago.

 

Seriously, just to stay metaspherical for a sec:  I have said it before, where did I say it?  Oh, I remember, here, when those deranged people came to be off their meds by my scrapbook on the internet, Lordy.  I mean, God bless, but what I wrote then bears repeating, because it remains.

Everyday pals, faraway friends, best-besties, my husband -- none of whom need to read by the lights of their projectors ... I would be remiss if I failed to mention a small but mighty group of generous people who have never met me and who know how to read for content and its fulsomeness.  This project is sometimes a jumping-off point, it is sometimes backfill, but this project is always mine, for me, this little scrapbook on the internet.  Yes.

 

 

& afterward, even, I visited Minty's blog and remembered abt stocking haircolor kits and she said Oh, I have to do fall maintenance in my garden, and so all of this is true + I know for a fact there are a couple of gals (+ me) who have this as a Recipe Box.  It remains kind of the same, except that I wasn't reading while I wasn't blogging and it is probably the same for anyone else & for sure no one was reading while I wasn't writing, lol.

All of this to say that if I had not been thinking abt marking days, like the olden days, it probably would not have occurred to me that I needed to work it out omg.

 

 

My life is 100% better with one half-hour spin + later a 10- or 20-minute doddle.  I don't know if I will ever have the gym again bc of all the people everywhere minding everyone else's business & my gym is 82% filled with people who want it their way, all the time, no fooling and usually the drama there doesn't bother me but it's just a recipe for disaster and omg, the tattling.

 

Seriously, every night, here is me: God, please help me to stop being 0 to 120 about tattletales, amen.  

 

Anyhow for now everything is fine but the garden is still a mess + not one of the seedlings has true leaves even after all this time, I guess it's God's will, so we will see, like everything xo

rhizome development.

My peonies have finally bloomed in such profusion I feel fine bringing some inside & good bc it's my birthday flower.

Here's the thing: I whiffed my first peony planting, really.  I was reading abt planting fresh root divisions & it instructed "Plant two inches deep."  Oh, there is no way I planted a root division at less than a 4-inch depth.  That is why those babies didn't even show for a decade before waving tiny fronds around these last two or three years.  I guess this fall is for a lot of moving things (tulips, now peonies).  Meanwhile, I can't even get my seeds to sprout; it has been chilly.

 

 

Nelly Moser has only had one flower, but the refrigerator temps do mean that one bloom will last forever in the garden.

 

A fledgling fell into my yard last week.  My little baby 9yo neighbor couldn't handle it. 

 

Two days later, I went outside & there was a lady standing on the sidewalk, ruminating.  She returned my greeting but kept gazing up at my house.  After a while, she broke from her reverie to say, "You have starlings nesting in yr eaves."  I told her abt the week's earlier Baby Bird Drama.  Then our chat really started rolling, one thing led to another, she announced, "Starlings make great pets!" which made me consider that she might be actually mad as a hatter, when suddenly, she froze in place before lunging into our side yard & bringing out a baby bird from behind our recycling bin.

Naturally, a different bird from the bird two nights before.  I told her, "The one from Tuesday was half again as big."  She wanted to push back a little on that assessment, I resisted her bc Tuesday's bird was v mobile, it could walk, flutter, and hop.  Its adult birds were very involved, lots of tweeting back & forth, it was definitely older. I showed her the photo, finally she relented.

 

She stopped talking again, turned around in a circle, and froze. "Do you hear that?!" she asked. There was another fledgling in the street, near the curb. After a while, she flushed it out & collected it, too. It was for sure Tuesday's bird. 

 

 

 

It's just a bird but can it be a miracle? I have no idea.  Starlings make great pets!

 

I was thinking abt the fledgling lesson, is it a lesson? It is just a bird. 

 

I found out (my sweet baby-neighbor worrying meant I went to google to answer his age-appropriate questions bc I am not a monster) that the reason you are not supposed to put a fallen-fledgling back into the nest is because that bird doesn't belong there.  It is gone. I also read, on that Tuesday, that adult birds will fly around & offer counsel and protection (if the bird is old enough to make it), but it never goes back to the nest.  It no longer belongs there.  Also, thirty percent of songbirds die, even though some make great pets (!).

 

You see how this prosaic structure in our natural world is reminding me of another, similar situation. So I took the lesson bc … honestly, a girlfriend asked me a month ago how I was doing & I told her, I think the universe is super taking care of me. Not to be too witchy.  Ahahahaha!

 

But seriously, that kid fussed & thumped & bumped right out of the nest with no plan + ground powers only.  We were protective for a long time & then it was like, yk, Thirty percent of songbirds die.  Maybe you can be someone's pet! Seems like.

 

 

But, yk, learn to fly or work out how to make it on the ground. This fledgling did, for two nights. (So many cats in our neighborhood!) And the other one died, even though it was rescued right away! Who can say?!

 

Mostly, I feel like both of our children were loved so thoroughly that anything is possible for them bc they have an aegis protecting them, like Lily Potter's kiss! I was doing the dishes two weeks ago and asked Mari, "Do you want to know what I'm thinking?" (Sure.) "I was thinking how Fifille didn't speak a word of Spanish three years ago and right now she is degree-enrolled student at a Mexican university!" (I know, it's really cool; & it's what she wanted.)

 

Bam! It is what she wanted. They both have what they wanted. So do we, amr?

 

 

Dalgona coffee look at it. It's terrible but I can't stop trying to make it palatable. It always comes out pretty & I throw half away every time lol see you x 

 

 

time makes lovers feel.

Can you imagine trying to be a plant in this back & forth weather?  One day it is 80, the next 55. 

 

 

Be strong, Nelly Moser!

 

Over the weekend, I found ("found") the fluid trainer I had bought in 2015, thinking I would use it for my bike (since I wasn't going to "get used to it" on the road) and then my bike was stolen, right out of our backyard because it was unlocked to make way for a contractor but then not relocked bc what did Mommy think, ever trying to have anything, which burned me up as a principle but since (if you check the historical record) I never wanted that damn bike, it really did not matter.

 

Plus what is always real is that I am the luckiest girl in the world bc after 2 months of pilates mat pursuits and also extended "rebounding" sessions on the super-yum Bellicon I have had for a decade, I was just beginning to go a little crazy.  Now I have what is effectively a stationary bicycle.  My bicycle, the upright, grandma-style Peugeot 3-speed I got for basically nothing at the Goodwill a few years ago, does not have the right form factor to fit onto the trainer, so Fifille's equally-if-not-more vintage Japanese bike is what I'm using to tour nowhere.  It's fine but I am basically "getting comfortable" on the wrong bicycle, not that it really matters + also my "real" roadless machine is free to wheel outside.  

 

It is pretty great.  The only obstacle for now is that I have to dismount just when I start to feel amazing bc I am going to have to toughen up my saddle area if daily spin is my new life.  Plus, if I get 45-60 minutes of for real cardio everyday, I get to wear soft pants again.  More good news is that my spin skirt was here at home bc I never leave it at the gym laundry, unlike my favorite Adidas windbreaker pants, lost to me forever (for now). But half of a spin class is better than nothing & in that time I can watch an episode of Weeds.

 

Speaking of weeds.  This summer's gardening is all about weed control.  I have a lot of flower seeds to start and fool around with but the point is, my friend Oakley told me about Ruth Stout and I guess we'll see. 

 

 

hey baby, may babies.

This week was strong, starting off with bathtub-limoncello jello & ending with duck tacos & chocolate-chip cookies with halvah in a 1:1 replacement for butter.  In between were hot dogs (Thursday). tuna melts (Wednesday), and a Friday lunchtime surf & turf of one hot dog alongside one open-faced tuna melt.  

 

I am from Chicago, so hot dogs come with a salad, basically, and the tuna salad was this recipe (v nice, light).

 

I made this lentil soup, but for the freezer.  I substituted Japanese sweet potatoes for the "regular" potato varieties. I put it right into the freezer, never tasting it, so who knows?

 

Our quarantine theme is about 15% Camp Counselors' Cabin + 30-40% Second Honeymoon.

 

 

This is the folding spice rack Mari installed (whenever) which I have never used bc my spices come from Patel Brothers in big cellophane bags or from some grimy bulk section in tiny waxed-paper envelopes & putting them in jars is too much busywork. I like what he is doing with it so much. Six bags of chips! 

 

I found out this week that all of my tulips are heaving out of the ground because I have never divided them. File under Fall.  I also realized, standing in the kitchen, eating a piece of chocolate (thinking OMG what is with all the treats, you?!), that going to the gym to haul ass is how I soothe myself.  File under Omg, I'm The Last to Know, Again lol xo

 

 

seven more days.

 

 

I cannot really say what I was thinking when I placed this seed order, but I definitely was not thinking of growing any food lol. Wow, that is too much work.

 

Probably I also was not thinking that I would be adoptive caretaker of a quarantinely rehomed peace lily, but here she is & look at the size of her. 

Neighbors.  Well, they will also be glad for the upgrade in curb appeal over here should they ever return bc the forecast is full-sun flowery, I guess. (Unless I add this who cares?! packet of patty-pan squash I forgot to plant last year. Vines all over!)

 

My garden strategy for the last three years has been Not here, don't care, no watering, don't die. This is how I wound up with a garden filled with Mexican sunflowers, oregano, and some intractable weeds.

 

The vibe seems the same this year, but a tad more indoor starting and self-seeding hopefulness regarding the future. All of us basically, right now, amr? This gardening project so soon after bathtub limoncello with my oldest friend, what a life.  

 

Limoncello jello shots (omg Martha Stewart calls it gelée) this Sunday! I say it all the time but I am the luckiest girl.  I don't want anyone to say I never realized xx

filing deadline extended.

Well, hello, blog.

 

I think if I look through the historical record, it is easy to find what my obligation is to this space. So, no surprise I ghosted.

 

In 2019, I wasn't home for what amounted to seven months.  2020 was kind of starting out the same and I for sure wasn't doing any kind of homekeeping, by which I do not mean vacuuming (love, always) but sorting or decluttering or rearranging, flower arranging, setting out pretty objet d'art -- blech, who cares?!  I certainly would never photograph too much of the embarrassing birdseed/blender drinks I eat and I am not hardly compulsive enough to rave on about my workouts in print, omglol.    

 

Also, I have unfettered access to my nearest & dearest friends now -- my kids are all grown and if they had them, theirs.  And when we catch up, which has lately (but until v recently) been all the flipping time (!), there is hardly anything to talk about except how we are who we have ever been. They have their own relationships with Fille, or they do not, so there is not really too much need to ask about "the children," (& tbh we only talk abt one, lol).   It is quite nice & there is no longer any need for any supplemental text for our warm handoffs and/or smooth onboarding.     

 

But now I have a project, I mean, don't we all?  The project is called Quarantine.  Luckily, our lives are not substantially different & we are also lucky to have neighbors of the hollering-across-the-lane variety. 

I was ill, starting out the stay-at-home order, & our choices are:

• not coronavirus at all
• coronavirus, infected in NYC on my trip in the last week of Feb
• coronavirus, infected by back-forth/all-around Mari, since I have been pretty close to home and/or six feet away from everyone since about March 3
• 2 or 3 from above means (naturally) that Mari is one of the "stealth" coronavirus people (of course)

That is over.  My latest reading informs me that it may still be worming around inside of my, damaging other important organs, but honestly, I can't worry about it, especially because I maybe didn't have it.

 

---

 

When I returned from my long sortie in Guadalajara, in November, I landed at JFK.  I had a tequila delivery to make.  2019 was the year the Israeli took on Tequila to examine, yk, in a potential-enthusiast's manner.  When he told me this, early in the year, around our birthdays, I snapped to attention to tell him about the most amazing tequila.

 

Fille & I had been visiting Guadalajara in March of 2019.  Taking rides with one of the capital tour bus companies, we boarded their line which had as one of its stops the in-town tequileria: Tequilas del Señor. We had no interest in alighting at the tequileria but there was a gal holding a drink tray of shots as we got on the bus & I took one.  I have no beef with tequila, but it isn't my favorite drink, not at all.  But omigosh wow that was a great drink of tequila.  After the Israeli told me about his project,  I looked for the label, all around the internet, but it seemed like it is not exported to the U.S.  Subsequently, during two months in Jalisco state, I learned a lot about tequila. But, mostly, I learned that I needed to return from my trip as a small-time importer.

 

Prior to my November, tequila-bearing arrival the Israeli mentioned to me he had worked on a post-holiday tasty concoction of macerated etrog peels and sugar in vodka.  Oooh, sounds like limoncello!  ("Yes, but less cloying.") Ooooh, better bc that is what I don't like about limoncello!

 

It was pretty tasty in November, not as tasty in January, another batch in February was … well, never as good as the first, we agreed.

 

We also agreed about the tequila I brought back -- Herencia de Plata, reposado.  Omg wow.  I was watching an episode of The Rifleman sometime in this time of quarantine & a Mexican bandito arrives in the town.  He asks the barkeep for Your best tequila with a slice of lime but there was no tequila and he settled for whiskey.  This is the tequila he wanted, wow.

 

I came through Arizona in February, so I was limited to the federal duty-free amount (1 liter).  So I poured half of the bottle into a jar and dropped it off, e-z. Now we are hoarding it bc who knows if we will ever have small-time, self-imported tequila again?

 

The point is: this is empty-nest buddies recipe swap but with liquor these days.

 

Quarantine came & Mari was going out one day to pick up a few things. I needed six lemons, I let him know.  He brought home Meyer lemons, which are not lemons, if you know.  But what they are is half-citron, aka etrog.  Then Mari mentioned that they were organic & that was why he bought them. So then it was on.  

 

 

I love the Israeli, I swear, but if he gave a flip abt documentation or methodkeeping, he would not be turning out all this variant product. Also, he wasn't very useful in terms of guidance.  We had one chat about the amount of sugar he used and he told me a story about how he put it on the stove, the sugar, in a saucepan with the vodka. Then he cautioned me (me!) about how this can cause a fire. 

 

On top of that, when I informed him I had used Everclear -- because the only vodka we have is The Good Vodka and I wasn't going to quarantine-use it up on a project plus I didn't want to find a full-size vessel and Everclear is concentrated vodka -- he said, "I used 40 proof vodka, so I guess you'll have to experiment."  (Again, he said this to me.  Me!)

 

I don't have to experiment, lovey.  There is an equation. 

 

Good god.  Also, use a simple syrup, egads.  I didn't get into the volume of sugar increasing the total volume of solution nitpicking, I just used a large-enough bottle.  

 

Anyway, in the end, it turned out great.  See you x

 

 

 

 

This alfajor Fille ordered was the size of a freaking Quarter Pounder,

The way I eat a guava (like a soft-boiled egg; scoop out the insides and leave a shell) is a recurring topic of chat here at the house among all Mexicans, residents, employees, and guests. 

 

It was kind of a slow burn of What's happening & then I was caught in the act. Basically my side of the story is a. I'm just some idiot midwesterner but b. I can't let all those immigrants at Ellis Island I learned about, who ate the bananas peel & all, have gone that way for naught. 

 

The first time I had guavas was last year on the Hyatt breakfast bar. They had been cut crosswise. Back at our table, I scooped out the custardy, seedy guts & fell in love. 

 

 

I love them a lot, especially the seeds. 

 

The chat mostly centers around this existential question: Is this not the best way to eat the guava and wouldn't we all do the same, freed of heredity? 

Mostly, I was surprised to find out they are eaten out of hand  but I don't like to eat with my hands. 

 

Anyhow, yesterday the topic came up again with different ppl saying different things but our hostess said a thing that made ask her to stop & repeat. 

She was opining that naturally this spoonful method is just right alongside other iterations of spoonful guavas, like when they are paired with condensed milk, or cajeta -- goat's milk caramel. 

O. M. G. After she said it again I honestly couldn't think of anything else, the little fat 9yo in love with rich food is still inside me! She was so sweet and had great hair! Afraid of almost everything! Let's do it.

 

Cajeta can come in a little shrink-wrapped pod-pack, like Tide but in the cashier lane at the supermarket.

 

This was amazing, like an ice cream sundae but not cold or icky with the terrible salty-sweetness of ice cream (also seeds).

Ok just ran out of English!  Had to delete "helado" at the end of that last sentence. See you xx

17 again

This doesn't make any sense, these 17 pesos & a wad of paper towels in my raincoat pocket. 

I wore this coat every day in Oslo, I haven't been out in the rain in Guadalajara yet, and there is a sad lack of paper towelling way down here. 

 

Well, here I go out there now & this change is just what I need bc BAGGER TIPPING xoxo

a tying twist

There are no bag clips in Mexico that I've been able to find. Rubberbands, twist ties, all the shit we have drawers full of back home in the U.S.? God, we should export that crap, like the economy-disrupting cast-off clothes we send to Asian countries bc they are not just littering this landscape. I'm sure if I went to the office supply store I could buy rubberbands but that is kind of my point bc I don't have to back home. 

 

I usually just dump [whatever] into another receptacle or a Ziploc bag (also a little thin on the ground when you leave the U.S. (like does anyone else maybe think we just buy too much shit in America wow) but I want to keep a lower profile in someone else's home kitchen. I just wanted to secure the original packaging. 

 

I looked around & I'm not sure if I copied what I saw or if I saw a different thing & it gave me this idea, but I scissored off a thin strip of a grocery bag & wound it into a ribbon to tie the rice package shut. 

 

I was so excited!

 

I've said it before -- I'm not Mexican but sometimes my mexicanidad is high! & then after a couple of minutes of revelry, I was just like Oh, good, ok well, let's do the dishes. LOL xox

especialmente me encanta limpiar con un aspirador

Here is the house where we are guests. It's too much, honestly. 

I took a photo of every room while we stayed in the spring but it was too much for one bloggable. So now I will put it bit by bit. 

 

Here is the jardín, where we breakfast. Our hostess puts on many parties here, also. 

 

 

On the top is the terrace my room has. 

 

This is the view from the other side. 

 

 

And from inside, a direct line from the hammock puts you here. 

 

 

We went to Pilates last night & it was a lot of mental exercise + p.e., too. 

 

I was returning the broom to where I found it & the lady of the house chastised me, gently, bc she has a housekeeper for her home and guests but I told her, "Los quehaceres me calman." Completely true! xx

Espera un rato

Hi, I'm in Mexico, what's up, Central time?

 

 

This is the prettiest hotel. If you make it big, you can prob see me in the second window from the right on the third floor, kneeling on the balcony of my room to photograph this picture postcard in natural light. Meta magical!

 

Fille is here now, we're in a posada halfway to Fancyland, the same place we stayed in the spring when we were here. I still don't have a return ticket, I still can't put down this Lana del Rey album. 

 

This guy just got here, too! Maybe via the sunflowers in our yard!  

 

 

My only travel tip is make sure you travel with yr own microfiber cloth for wiping spills or endpoints or the puddles of water all over the vanity after facewashing.  Also have plastic bags in yr carry on for in case yr flight attendant is a dirty slut who doesn't come by collecting trash enough. 

It's been a few weeks since I've seen you so I'll be a better blogger ♥️🇲🇽

 

 

september

This is just like the harebrained magazines promise.

If I lose this outfit code key, I'll just buy a sackcloth & make the best of it. I don't even have a return ticket for this trip yet lol.

 

I haven't listened to anything except Lana Del Rey's new album since it came out.  Except to listen to Patsy Cline once, trying to decide if I was feeling LDR feel it (maybe).

 

Look, I find the entire album v relatable & the thing that stuck out for me in Ann Powers gasbag review was saying that LDR had a "persona" of something like "bad girl to whom people do bad things" and what I knew from that was more abt Ann Powers than anything (& I was right). The fact is, taking on this mantle of Bad Girl to Whom People do Bad Things is a way to brand yrself as an agent of what is happening to you + to insert yrself into the action, like of course, that happened, I'm bad, I'm out here in the Badlands and also, when that bad guy thought he was grabbing me around the waist to be bad, I took his wallet. 

 

I mean, you know.  There is a lyric abt "if he is a serial killer what's the worst to happen to a girl that is already hurt?" Like omg I know expressed in the 90s as Yah, well, you can't rape the willing bc there is an upside to everything and whatever, like, I never went anywhere to make friends with total strangers. Ok gtg srsly, had the greatest time in Oslo, maybe catch up later.

Shared 1 photo with you

Srsly, Fille moved away & then her calavera "died."She painted it in 2017 and since it has decorated the fresh-flower-adjacent shelf in the room I've tricked out as the pantry.

 

Forward, I guess. brb

 

confluence

So basically my little weblog is a half-baked travelogue, which ... ok but what else to do & since Milan ate my phone I'm not at the same level for away-blogging & penmanship blogging is fine in a pinch but it is its own thing. Multimedia!

 

Add in how I will see you has always-always eaten away at blogging + remember Dream Job/Dream House/House Hunters: IDGAF?  Ok, tbh, I wish I had given a fraction of a fuck but as a sister with a baller mister pointed out: This is why we train. Also, I resolved a wasp infestation by myself between trips to a v boring gym with nary a high-society dowager in sight. Honestly, it is making me consider open-air exercise.

 

I am behind on electronic correspondence which makes blogging seem churlish but then around the same time I had a little time between contractors, God gave me a recipe.

 

 

It was part of a meal kit.  (Meal kits? Yes, Dream Job's House has no stove! But don't worry, it isn't a subscription.)

 

So anyway, Meal Kit said, more or less:

 

[Julienne] the enclosed Granny Smith apple and

 

look how it is, my life, a Granny Smith apple is not in season right now

 

toss with the little tub of kimchi puree.

 

Omgwtf does that say? That is fucking brilliant! Second of all, in some ways, I am way back at kimchi puree, you mean, basically take one of my favorite foods and put it into my favorite appliance? rr-rrrrr-rrrr

 

Wow, well, as I have liked to say: you can do it, too.  One apple + about 1 cup of pureed kimchi. Wow.

another island vacation

 

 

 

hand job or, in June I'll never blog again

hey baby may babies.

This is a new clematis, planted alongside Nelly Moser.

I don't know anything abt it but I planted it last year & it is doing well. Mme Alfred Carriere has died an undignified death but whatever, these old broads go how they want.

 

One of the things that happened in 2018 was I ended the year abt 20lbs up from the beginning of the year but all things considered abt 2018, idgaf, forward.

 

But, I have a lot of time on my hands now, what with the end of ballet and a grown girl who is 18 which leaves me with zero liability for criminal charges should any harm befall her. So the gym became more interesting to me.  However, the gym is inherently boring, honestly.  I added more of the rowing erg to spice things up but mostly I went back to my usual routine of Pilates, some yoga, some laps in the pool, the stair-stepper, whatever, but 5 or 6 days instead of 3 or 4. I was still a. stressed-out all the time and b. using up all my time at the gym, so that sucks.

 

I decided, around the time Fille & I went to Mexico, that I wanted to do more, not just do the same thing for longer. I thought about how I always have these events at intervals, like shoveling snow or stacking firewood or carrying my own luggage without wheels & I always feel satisified that I can accomplish these things without traction or the cardiac unit. I started just doing the kinds of things I was doing in these "special event" times, but every time I showed up at the gym.  

So I still go to spin class & tag up with Pilates chick and row, whatever the entire roster of cardiac machines, but then I spend 45 minutes about 4 days each week just carrying heavy shit back and forth down the long hallway at the gym -- sandbags, slam balls, kettlebells, weight plates threaded through a towel, whatever. The only time I am not thinking about the shit stressing me out all the time is while my heart rate is at 160 so come on.

 

I would be remiss if I did not mention that my back is weirdly pumped & I am not sure how to take that. But, honestly it's behind me so I don't have to look (although packing for Milan, I see that one of my sundresses kind of makes it look like I am going to turn into a werewolf or Maleficient back there, so idk, whatever, I have a jacket -- don't look) however, it must also be said that my nature of don't look in the mirror too long got me into this situation.

 

Also, not putting on a pair of jeans for 6 months.  Bc that is when I realized the reason I felt so weird & heavy was bc I was heavier, oh. The last time I put on any weight, I was pregnant. 

 

In closing, I present the infrared heating pad.  I do not know exactly how the magic works but what I know for a fact is that it does not matter what I do in the gym, what crushing and beastly things I accomplish, no matter how much I feel like poor, blocky Ben Grimm, trying to navigate my leaden limbs through my bedtime routines, after I sleep on my infrared heating pad, set at abt 45c, I wake up & feel like a gazelle.

 

Well, not when I wake up at 3.  If I wake up at 3, I have to limp along to the bathroom before going back to finish the night on the magical stone heating pad, but then at 7, I am only a springy gazelle.  I mean, a gazelle from the 70s, but still.

 

Speaking of waking up at 3: I had been taking a hemp-derived CBD oil for a number of months, so long that I forgot how I felt or what made me start taking it (marketing) or whatever.  I had not developed any superpowers & was starting to think about not taking it anymore after I ran out.  Before I ran out, I stopped taking it -- it was just an oversight, carelessness, whatever, but who cares?

 

All of a sudden, after a few weeks of inattention to this dosing, on the nights I woke up to use the toilet, I would come back to bed & lie there for a long time, fretting abt everything I lose myself in a high heart rate to set aside!  After close to a week of this useless nonsense, I realized, Oh! This is a thing which resolves for the people who are reviewing the kind of CBD supplement I had been taking. Oh.

 

So it's back to that bc whatever why not? I am going to also go how I want to, lol see you x

maggio.

I bought an Instant Pot in 2017, during some kind of holiday sale, received it, set out on travel, 2018 came & things were upended (again), so it sat in the box, next to the coats under the stairs until ... I'm pretty sure it was this year.  Maybe late last year, though ... ok, yes bc I remember shop-counseling Oakley bc she wanted to give one as a holiday gift, so I opened it in 2018.

 

OMG sorry to be so dull!

Anyhow, I bought it bc you can use it for hard-boiling eggs & making yogurt & that.  I have not made yogurt yet, but eggs, yes, & they are easy to peel. When the eggs are fresh omg that shell just flipping sticks on and this method leaves them easy-to-peel.

 

Otherwise it is here, The Instant Pot, & I made one pot roast from a Pioneer Woman blog pictorial; it was fine (I don't like beef but Mari thought it was really good).Twice I have made a lamb roast -- I did not care for the taste of boiled meat (gag), and I used it for lamb shanks last week & those came out fine but I felt like Yia yia would never, yk?

 

The fact is, when not using it (and even in use, a little) I have nowhere to put it bc it is too big so it is in the way & I have to wonder if it is worth it.  This was the kind of thing about which my son used to be creative and good for innovating but demons got the best of him c. 2011, like Kay in The Snow Queen. Too bad.  Him & Kanye.

 

See you later have fun go outside x

primavera! andiamo!

I made some cookies the other day and I was going to just link to the recipe but that girl might be legitimately crazy so forget it.

 

I don't like cookies much; they are usually too sweet and I don't like to eat with my hands + gluten/grain-free cookies are usually ::barf::  These are surprisingly good. I'll have to write it bc this is my recipe box, tbh lol.

 

So, kids are both grown now. Yes! I didn't want a gold watch for my retirement so instead I'm taking a trip to Milan this spring.  It's kind of like the planning in the first time I went to Mexico City in 2016 where I have to keep reminding myself I can speak Italian.  Then like all the times I go everywhere & I think I've used it up & I can't possibly have anymore. Fox is gallantly handling the bulk of that delusion, lol, that guy.

 

The colleges Fille applied to both left her on the hook for about $18k every year (x4=us$72,000) and Mari & I are just like, "Oh, too bad. What are you going to do now?" LOL

I'm like, "I'll take you to Milan in May. Meanwhile, want to go to the K-spa? My treat."

 

Seriously, what a lot of cabbage, and for what? So she can read more books? She doesn't have any burning academic desires. She likes some things, dislikes others, has strengths, weaknesses, but she's not like YES I NEED HIGHER EDUCATION FOR MY HIGHER POWER. And for $80k, omg we don't want to be on the hook for that. For a kid who can't put her flipping phone down? And she doesn't really want to be the kid who takes a $100k giveaway. It's not like she is Olivia Jade, or her brother. She already goes to the community college, she can keep going there for two more years, she can apply to UNAM or the University of Guadalajara (both cheaper than community college) now or later, she can get a job with the post office, she can go to beauty school, she can enlist in the Coast Guard. But she should maybe put her phone down.

 

Or not, she's 18, but if she wants to live here she needs to stop leaving dishes in the sink bc it's my house and I don't like it. She for sure doesn't have to live under a bridge. Her brother is on a sweet ride he doesn't have the sense to suck the marrow from wow & she can for sure do the same and make it EPIC.

 

I can see how people get enmeshed in these loan scams from the System.  One of the schools did offer her half as a scholarship, just free $$ which I totally see could create a situation where one would think, "Oh, that's nice, we shouldn't waste that offer, bc it's half (of $40k lolol) and blah lalalala & her future + fear of the end-of-the-world marketing" but wtf? For what? So she can ... what? Get a degree in ... social studies? She doesn't even know. 

 

I mean, I think back to my first year of college, which cost $5,000 and lol nothing in that whole year is worth the balance due on one year at this school.  You can fit every experience of my whole college career into the sticker price of one semester at this place. If I think: how much I would pay for Fifille to get everything I got out of university? & I think the answer is about $25k, total, and that includes the best & oldest friend I met my first semester, which is an untranslatable gift since everyone is just looking in their phones now so that guy in 2019 would never catch my eye to tell me a joke & then successful, never have the chance to say "I have a million of them, do you like coffee? I'll buy you a cup of coffee. Let's go to the place you had the fancy muffin from the other day." And if you can't meet that friend, you should just stay in your room making GRWM date-makeup vlogs, I swear. Plus, if we had $20k just lying around, we would buy her a tiny house plus rn today we owe 25 percent of that to the IRS (omg I know).

 

Ok, I have to mop the kitchen floor bc I'm not retired from housewifery xx see you.

spring.

Ok, well, Fille is On Bedrest for a cold, which always makes me want to blog, the monitoring of an ill child.  

Crocuses are up.

 

I still pitch in on other people's meals about 45%.  Ok, gtg brb.

 

lightweight.

This is how I packed for a week in Mexico. One dress to wear, one to wash, both quick-dry linen. Two silk slips, doubling as nighties. I took a solid hairstyling product & moisturizer, both from Lush. One soap we like for face + body & we used it to the last bubble -- satisfying. Eighteen pounds in each tiny roller. We have a full schedule of summer travel so we feel very ++ and we have our VIP lounge game down, though Ms Minty could probably help us tighten it up.

Nos vemos on the flip side, lovers. 

march on.

I have all these plants now, more abt the acquisition later, but the problem is keeping them watered. When we went to Miami, I wrapped the pots & all in dry-cleaning bags. It worked great because we were gone for 10 days.  This time, one foot out of the door to Guadalajara, I wanted to try something more scientific.

 

 

The guy who has known me the longest recently startled at finding himself in the marshy confusion between premonition and reminiscence, and said, wonderingly, like did this happen? "You wanted to major in chemistry when I met you."

Yes, love. Wasn't that a long time ago? I was younger than Fille is right now. See you, love to you all xox

 

 

I would put her on the stove & she would melt.

I have a bunch of plants now. I don't even know. The watering.

 

 

It snowed today. I can not ever believe how helpless & useless people are about the snow but it is good they get scared and stay home because the drivers on the road have no idea what is happening and are wound up so tightly that it is incredibly dangerous. In the snow is literally the only-only time I am the fastest driver on the highway. Me & some felcher going dangerously fast in his F1,000,050

 

Fille & I each had a physiatrist's appointment. They knew we would be there, my disregard for all kinds of weather is reknown, lol.

 

It wasn't snowing when we left, but by the time we arrived at the office it was very clear to me it would snow -- the way the air feels in the mouth … it wasn't even cold out.  Anyhow, I had to drive home in a snow shower with a bunch of tightly-wound, dangerous people, and I was wishing Mari was home to play snow-course driving with me, and I was also enjoying the Volvo's catlike grace on the roads. All good.

 

I don't normally shovel the snow while it is still snowing, but there is a delicate line to walk when school is out between waiting for the snow to stop and having adolescents ring my bell all day wanting to contract their services, not to mention our elderly neighbors being tormented and/or preyed upon.  I always want to shovel the snow, this weather makes me feel so alive (!!    !) and I love playing in it. I was born to shovel snow! 

 

Only one time have I let kids shovel -- they were brothers & they announced quite believably they were trying to earn money to buy their mother a birthday gift. And they would shovel for any amount of money. My then-next-door neighbor and I both agreed, separately. I forget how much we paid them, exactly, but it was pretty healthy + I let them have one of our shovels to take away because they had some old garden digger, which is not the right tool for the task.

 

There was enough snow today that I was really excited to get out there & move it around, honestly.  The temperature was only just at freezing, no wind, so nice. But I wanted to wait until it stopped falling, the snow. I told Fifille, "We are not answering the doorbell until I shovel."

 

Then, while I was puttering around, pre-shovel-style, putting on some lunch, etc, someone rang the doorbell & followed up with a kind of dull thud banging, v delivery-guy style.  But I was not expecting a delivery, was I? We have a general contractor in the early stages, but why would he be here today? Was it Fox, come to harangue me about [whatever]?

 

It was a very young man I have never seen before. He apologized politely for beating at my door but told me he was there to see if he could shovel my walk & he wouldn't charge a lot because he just really wanted some money to be able to get something to eat.  Oh. 

 

You guys, first of all, I didn't have any cash on me … well, probably somewhere but I couldn't swear to it and also I really, really wanted to shovel all of the snow myself.  I only told him the first part. But something about his delivery was so specific, so I asked him, "Are you hungry right now?" 

"Yes."

Oof, the way he said it. I have heard people close to me talk about their food-insecure childhoods & aside from that, I can not abide the idea of a hungry person. I once made a sandwich for an appliance-delivery guy who confessed his hungriness to his co-worker where I could hear.

"I'll be right back, stay right here, ok?"

Fortunately, Fifille's lunch was ready & she was nowhere to be found.  Fuck a bunch of this nonsense where a child knows you are making lunch & then disappears up to the third floor to be summoned like royalty. So I gave her lunch to a stranger.  It was leftover brown basmati rice, reheated in the oven with sundried tomatoes from the jar. I had planned to put an egg with it for her but anyhow, I put it in a warmed bowl & a fork & all.

Here's me: Do you have any allergies?

He did not.  He seemed confused, by what I'm not sure, but then he asked it he could takeaway the bowl & fork because he didn't want to sit down on our porch & eat because he was too cold for all that.  He was not well-dressed for the weather, and after I said yes, of course (because IKEA has another bowl just like that one), and thanked him for speaking up for himself, he bugged out, which is good because I was probably about to give him our son's winter coat.

 

All of that was fine, I was fine, the interaction was a little too too-too for me, though, a lot to take in but I had 120 feet of sidewalk to shovel, more if I did my single-mom neighbor's lot (I did) plus cleaning off the cars of two widows and a pair of spinster sisters, so I could burn it off in the fresh air & sunshine.

 

You guys, it was so nice out, seriously. I was just wearing a vest & a hat, no gloves or anything. Anyhow, I was fine & the sun went down & we were cleaning up from dinner & I was about to start some restorative vacuum cleaning and then I realized that school was closed today & so many kids get their meals there. Oh wow, there isn't a burst into tears emoji at Typepad but just behave out there in the world. Also, omg, is Lent coming or whatever? Bring back Valentines' Day! xoxox